i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
