OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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