I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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