**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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