Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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