I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
