i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
