I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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