she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
