before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
