when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
