Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
