Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
