He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
