There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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