like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
