i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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