i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
