Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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