textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fuck appropriateness.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
40s are totally the cure
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
