I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
