My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize