I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
