Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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