i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
