Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Houston, we have a blender
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
