Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
