my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
