There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
