That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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