Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That accounts for only three of the penises
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
