theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
