best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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