Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
