You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
