I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
