I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
