Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
