The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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