Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
