i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
