is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
