so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
