As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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