OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
