She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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