I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
