All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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