Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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