just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
