When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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