my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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