tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
