I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
