It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
