just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
