Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
