My Higher Power is John Stamos
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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