"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
