end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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