laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
