I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
