i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
