Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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