She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
