Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
