I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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