If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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