Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
