i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
